Twitchy has noted a number of tortured sentence constructions that newspapers and websites have used to obscure exactly who did what to whom. We advise our readers to be especially suspicious of knives. Slate reported yesterday that there have been “at least 17 random stabbing attacks in Israel since last Wednesday.” Anyone could be in danger if these stabbing attacks are actually happening at random.
The knife problem extends to the United States as well. Gabriel Malor points out a blog post published today in Roll Call that describes the arrest of Tim Foster, an aide to Rep. Sander M. Levin (D-Mich.), on criminal domestic violence charges.
Fifth paragraph. Wait for it. http://t.co/yBFdJXFIjW
— Gabriel Malor (@gabrielmalor) October 13, 2015
@gabrielmalor wut….
— Dr. Kankokage (@kankokage) October 13, 2015
@kankokage @gabrielmalor well that's interesting
— PollyPhemous (@PollySpin) October 13, 2015
@gabrielmalor That's like when a screenwriter mixes it all up at the start of Act II.
— jon gabriel (@exjon) October 13, 2015
https://twitter.com/mrAvinash/status/654008509126844418
The fourth paragraph really does help set things up.
Foster put his boyfriend in a choke hold and stated, “I want to kill you. Die dirty faggy,” the man later told police. Foster released him, then allegedly grabbed a stainless kitchen knife. As the boyfriend fled toward the stairs, Foster chased him and warned, “When you reach the fifth step, I am going to stab you.”
Foster lunged at his boyfriend with the knife. But Foster’s wife “got in the way” and the knife then fell to the floor, the report states.
@gabrielmalor I need a diagram
— The H2 (@TheH2) October 13, 2015
https://twitter.com/CTBellows/status/654007537528803328
@gabrielmalor He's a communication manager. Huh. Well, he does have a way with words.
— Don'tBanShan (@shansmith) October 13, 2015
@gabrielmalor anyone else confused as all get out?
— V.A.C (@veryannoyedcon) October 13, 2015
Recommended
https://twitter.com/WrightBrunoS/status/654005510052663297
@gabrielmalor Women. Always getting in the way.
— Mike Rhone (@mikerhoneTM) October 13, 2015
@gabrielmalor Whole lotta assumin' going on around here. "Wife" has many meanings these days, and pronouns aren't what they used to be.
— misinforminimalism (@jeff_techentin) October 13, 2015
@gabrielmalor @exjon why isn't the wife chasing HIM with the knife?
— Bob Richards (@BobRichards57) October 13, 2015
@gabrielmalor Keeping this one in my pocket for a self-defense plea.
— Patrick H. (@trogdor8768) October 13, 2015
The chase between Foster and his boyfriend allegedly continued outside, where “Foster struck him in his upper back with a small black and red shovel. Foster continued to assault the man until he got into his vehicle, the report states.”
@gabrielmalor @Popehat An actual shovel ready job!
— RWallJr (@rnw101563) October 13, 2015
Not surprisingly, Levin’s office had no comment on the incident.
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