Sick: Online 'feminist' rag Jezebel asks 'What's the best age to have an abortion?'

Sarah D. | 2:26 PM on February 06, 2013

Jezebel, a member of the illustrious Gawker network, calls itself “The home of shiny happy ladies.” But there’s nothing remotely shiny or happy about its latest piece of garbage:

What's the Best Age to Have an Abortion? http://t.co/4vJqqCBP

— Jezebel (@Jezebel) February 6, 2013

Whether you’re under 18 or over 40, author Erin Gloria Ryan helpfully lists the pros (yes, shiny happy ladies think there are pros) and cons of having an abortion at a particular age.

Here are the perks of being under 18:

Pro: Well, duh. This one’s a no-brainer — teenagers aren’t, as an almost universal rule, equipped to be mothers. And pop culture abounds with living, breathing DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WHEN YOU ARE A TEENAGER warnings — Teen Mom, Bristol Palin, Justin Bieber’s weird mom who went out on a date with Chris Harrison, host of The Bachelor (not to be confused with Chris Hansen, host of To Catch a Predator). When it comes to giving birth as a teen, it’s not a question of IF you’ll experience massive hardship as a result of bringing a child into the world before you’re old enough to legally buy lottery tickets; it’s a matter of how much of a lasting lifefuck will result.

And between 24 and 27:

Pro: Young enough that you can still get pregnant from making extended eye contact with a guy with a beard, old enough that you’ve probably got a job that pays enough that you no longer must shop at Forever 21.

And between 27 and 30:

Pro: If you haven’t acquired an expensive coke habit by now, congratulations! This is the richest you’ve ever been on your own! If you saved up a little, you could probably afford a designer abortion. A Marc Jacobs abortion, in teal.