'Can't breathe': Sebelius' 'perfect' farewell 'glitch' is comedy gold [video, Photoshop]

Sucks to be her.

During her farewell speech this morning, Kathleen Sebelius got a timely visit from the Metaphor Fairy:

https://twitter.com/AaronBlakeWP/status/454638282434154496

One last miscue for #Sebelius — "unfortunately a page is missing" in binder with farewell remarks

— Ed Henry (@edhenry) April 11, 2014

ya can't make it up. Sebelius, on the way out: "Unfortunately, a page is missing."

— Rick Klein (@rickklein) April 11, 2014

A fitting farewell to Kathleen @Sebelius: http://t.co/2qgrouYkAU via @YouTube

— ?It's?Almost ⛄️Christmas? (@jtLOL) April 11, 2014

We couldn’t’ve written something that good.

Sebelius' missing page from her farewell speech at the White House is perhaps, the perfect metaphor for her tenure. #Obamacare

— Matt Mackowiak (@MattMackowiak) April 11, 2014

Perfect! @Sebelius is missing a page of her farewell speech! Too Much!!

— Jim Hoft (@gatewaypundit) April 11, 2014

missing page..sums it all up.

— JustMePammy (@JustMePammy) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/LoganDobson/status/454638534784450560

Oh, my God, Sebelius actually bungled her FAREWELL SPEECH. This Administration is truly beyond parody.

— John Hayward (@Doc_0) April 11, 2014

If anything positive has come out of Sebelius’ disastrous tenure as HHS secretary, it’s this snort-worthy episode. Gold, Jerry. Gold!

Oops. Page of Sebelius speech missing. It's probably Bush's fault.

— DonIrvine (@DonIrvine) April 11, 2014

Can.t Breathe. RT @edhenryTV One last miscue for #Sebelius — "unfortunately a page is missing" in binder with farewell remarks

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) April 11, 2014

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@michellemalkin @edhenryTV Was the binder full of women instead? 😉

— Bob Owens (@bob_owens) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/NathanWurtzel/status/454639554516230144

Breaking: On Senate floor, Harry Reid blames the Koch Brothers for missing page of Sibelius' farewell speech. #SebeliusMissingPage

— The 12th Fan (@Josh_Painter) April 11, 2014

Breaking: Outgoing HHS Secretary Sebelius announces that 7.1 million pages were actually missing from her farewell speech.

— John Hayward (@Doc_0) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/NoahCRothman/status/454638621522665472

A "glitch" with Seblieus's speech as she's missing a page.

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/lachlan/status/454638551091929088

The page is not missing. It's just down temporarily because too many Sebeliuses are trying to access it.

— Jim Antle (@jimantle) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/Matthops82/status/454638737209982976

$$$ RT @johntwarog If I had a nickel for the number of times the Obamacare website has said "PAGE NOT FOUND" #SebeliusMissingPage

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/Matthops82/status/454639331521855488

President Obama unilaterally extends the deadline for Sebelius to read from that missing page.

— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) April 11, 2014

.@GOP Ad Idea: Sebelius saying "There's a page missing." … *screen goes dark* "WE KNOW." in bold white letters.

— RBe (@RBPundit) April 11, 2014

New details from CNN …. Investigators now looking for the #SebeliusMissingPage in the Indian Ocean. Expects ratings jump.

— JayhawkMama (@JHawkintheSouth) April 11, 2014

Now we'll find out that it cost $634 million to write Sebelius' farewell page, and it'll take another $300M to find the missing page.

— John Hayward (@Doc_0) April 11, 2014

Before she took the stage, Obama told Sebelius that if she liked her speech, she could keep it; not a single page would be taken from her.

— John Hayward (@Doc_0) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/Matthops82/status/454640882235346944

Hee!

Naturally, widespread speculation about the mysterious missing page ensued:

https://twitter.com/rorycooper/status/454638514920239104

Bo the White House dog ate it. RT @rorycooper The missing page had the enrollment data. | #SebeliusMissingPage

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) April 11, 2014

#SebeliusMissingPage with the same page that said you can keep your plan/doctor period!

— Text Trump to 88022 ✝️??⭐⭐⭐ ?? (@K1erry) April 11, 2014

#SebeliusMissingPage with Obama's college transcripts

— Text Trump to 88022 ✝️??⭐⭐⭐ ?? (@K1erry) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/dafactor1/status/454642526298046464

It's with Obama's budget #SebeliusMissingPage

— Text Trump to 88022 ✝️??⭐⭐⭐ ?? (@K1erry) April 11, 2014

A lower-level staffer in Cleveland is to blame. #SebeliusMissingPage

— JayhawkMama (@JHawkintheSouth) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/MattWilliams06/status/454646497460486144

I found the missing page in Sibelius's speech. http://t.co/go78IEm5O3

— John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) April 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/BecketAdams/status/454650067031711747

Eww.

https://twitter.com/liars_never_win/status/454644576024678401

Hey, you never know! But one thing’s definitely for sure:

https://twitter.com/lachlan/status/454639479861805056

Bravo!

***

Related:

‘What took so long?’ Kathleen Sebelius resigning as head of HHS

Software developer? Web designer? Twitter suggests #NextJobForSebelius

Heh: Sebelius ‘released from job lock,’ but did Obama ruin her shot at a Mozilla gig?